Nov 2, 2022
Active Listening is the Key
“Listen to the person behind the words” — William Ury
In communication; There are actions such as reading, writing, speaking and listening, each of which is very important. Listening accounts for nearly half (45%) of total communication time. However, listening, which is indispensable for healthy communication, is gradually losing its effectiveness for various reasons. Without listening, there is no understanding and too many “communication accidents” occur.
Effective, productive or active listening concepts, which were not on our agenda before digitalization, are now appearing everywhere. The inability of our people to listen; he has an important problem such as being patient with listening and speaking. The inability to listen to not only the live speaker but also a video or podcast is a serious problem. A significant portion of young people watch videos and podcasts at 1.25x/1.5x/2x speeds. The aim is to consume it as soon as possible rather than listening and understanding and thinking.
Saying that he sees the maturity of a person in the quality of listening, the late Doğan Cüceloğlu states that a person who is full of himself cannot listen because he has no place to hear someone else.
Mesnevi, “Listen!” it begins. Listening means active listening.
Listening is paying attention. It is all about directing the attention to the speaker. To do this is to be unbiased.
Active listening is effective listening. Pure attention is being able to listen by listening to the speaker, making eye contact and leaning towards him, empathizing, approving when necessary, smiling or being surprised. If you agree, justify, ask questions, take notes, and finally express what you understand in your own words.
By actively listening to someone who has a problem, even if you can’t find a solution to their problem, you will put them at ease. Most of the time, it is possible to win hearts in a short way by just listening with empathy and sincerity. Because listening to him in an environment where no one listens, taking time for him; to value and respect him. This is what people need most.
“Listening is the highest courtesy we can show.”— Dale Carnegie
Appearing to be listening is noticed quickly. Then, instead of gaining the person, you can lose completely.
Sometimes people start speaking without listening and understanding in order to be able to respond quickly and readily. In these situations, communication is cut off, conversations get stuck and egos come to the fore.
“There is only one way to speak well, to learn to listen” says Christopher Morley. First listen, understand, form ideas, and then speak. Likewise reading and writing. It needs to be filled first and then overflowed.
To listen is to be the receiving party, to fill the saddlebag and to increase human capital.
To listen is to be able to hear the silence. To be able to feel our breath is to be able to focus on our heart.
“Learn to listen. Some opportunities lightly knock on the door.”
In his speech titled “The Power of Listening”, William Ury states that listening is the key that opens the door to human relationships. I would like to include some excerpts from this speech in this section…
“In ordinary listening, we only hear the words. In ingenious listening, we hear what is said as well as what is not said. We also listen to the words behind the words. We feel emotions and needs. By listening to the other side, we learn to listen to ourselves.
Many conflicts, fights, business disputes, and the costs that result from them, come from a failure to listen effectively.
The age of communication must be transformed into the age of listening. Effective listening, like reading, should be taught in schools.
A world where parents can listen to their children, spouses to each other, leaders to their peoples can be less troubled and more peaceful in every way.
The best gift anyone can give is to make sure they can be heard. So relations get better; from ear to ear…”
“The natural consequence of knowledge is to speak, and the privilege of wisdom is to listen.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes
Finally; To be able to improve our listening quality in a spiritual climate… At dawn, at sunrise and at sunset… Being able to listen to silences and our inner voice. To be able to listen to them with awe as well as to read the book of the universe and our holy book… And finally to be able to understand the secret of the meaning of life.
Note: This is the English version of my article titled “Aktif Dinleme Kazandırır”
Aykut GÜL
